I’m overwhelmed and I’m not getting much of what needs to be done, done. There I’ve said it. I know I had a jolly weekend away to Brighton and London and I needed the break. Oh eM Gee did I need that break and I had a BRILLIANT time in Brighton. I really needed the break but the truth is my life looks like this right now:To be clear the 20% sleep equates to on average 4.8hrs in any 24 hour time period, I’m typing this as I am printing stuff off for a meeting in Lincoln tomorrow I can hear Baby G not settling for Mr L and when the printer stops I will pack my bag and go and settle her. I always seem to have a hat on – wife, mother, marketer, social media bod, consultant, confidante friend. I like being busy I really do – give me 100 things to do and I’ll do 99 or 100 of them, give me three and I’ll do almost certainly none, that’s how I’m built. I guess that’s what people call drive. I guess that’s what people call determination. I guess that’s what people want from me in my working life and what my children need me to do for them.
There is fall out though. I am tired. I am overwhelmed most of the time. I am frustrated by stuff that slides, stuff that I used to be able to stay on top off when I was a working mother to just Lil’ H, now a self employed working mother with two children I am not quite getting to do a lot of stuff I used to be able to. It has made me very self critical and super sensitive – one person can be out of order, two people possible but if everyone is out of line then the issue isn’t with other people its with me. That’s just how I feel at the moment. Most of the time. I have stopped seeing people deliberately, its easier not to. I have cancelled pretty much everything and am not arranging anything over and above playdates and local stuff weekends away etc are all on hold. Yet I still feel just as busy as before. What is that all about?
Anyway print outs are out, Baby G is still up so I am off to grab my 4.8 hours – all help and advice gratefully received!